He's Not Alright
by A. Heimby
Summary: Castiel gets the feeling he needs to check in on his favorite human one day and is surprised to find a very troubled Dean. When asking gets him nowhere, Castiel decides he better get to the bottom of it himself.
1. Chapter 1

Dean was pacing back and forth in his room. He was rubbing the back of his neck as he muttered unintelligibly to himself. He had his eyes closed tight and the sound of his heart beat was too loud, so he didn't hear the fluttering of wings, or see Castiel as he appeared in the corner of the room.

For a moment Castiel just watched, fearful for what he was seeing. He had seen this side of Dean before, sure, but only when things were bad; really bad. There were few things in the world that could make Dean Winchester lose his cool.

Dean suddenly stopped his pacing, abruptly looking up and opening his eyes, and without much warning, Castiel found himself stunned by the sadness and pain in Dean's eyes as he looked back at him. Castiel had seen Dean hurt plenty of times, physically and emotionally, but somehow this pain seemed worse than all the others. The longer Castiel looked into Dean's eyes, the more he had trouble trying to speak, but in the end, it was Dean who broke the silence.

Castiel watched Dean's walls fall back into place as Dean asked, "What you doin' here, Cas? I thought you were off trying to figure this locked out of heaven thing out?" Castiel watch a few emotions cross Dean's face as he spoke, but couldn't read them. He had never been good at reading emotions.

Castiel let out a small sigh before answering, "I am, or I was. I just thought I'd take a few minutes to come and check on you and Sam." At the mention of Sam's name Castiel had no trouble reading the sadness and pain the flitted across the hunter's face. Cocking his head to the side, Castiel asked, "Are you and Sam alright, Dean?"

Castiel watched as a humourless laugh escaped Dean before he said, "Sam's doin' great, thanks to you." Dean did send Castiel a genuine smile before it turned sad, and he continued, "And I'm just great, Cas, never better." Even the Castiel that had first met Dean would have never believed that lie for a second, but Castiel had learned better than to point such things out to Dean. He had never met a more stubborn person, and if Dean didn't want to talk about something, then he didn't. Instead of trying to do the impossible, and get Dean to talk, Castiel decided that instead he would just get to the bottom of it himself.

Dean watched as Cas debated something with himself, before the angel seemed to decide. Dean saw the determined look that Cas often got when he had a goal and nothing would stop him from achieving it. He was going to ask Cas what he was thinking, but before he could the sound of fluttering wings filled the room and Cas was gone.

Slumping down onto the bed, Dean let the sadness from the loss of his angel wash over him. He no longer had the energy to even entertain the thought of fighting off his emotions when he was alone, let alone actually doing it. Putting his hands over his face, Dean let out a stuttered sigh.

Cas watched, invisible, from the corner of Dean's room as the hunter turned onto his stomach, sticking his face into his pillow. Frowning, he realized Dean seemed worse than before; before he had noticed Castiel watching him, but for the life of him, he could not figure out why.

SUPERNATURAL

After watching Dean sleep for a little while, Castiel ventured out into the rest of the bunker. He wasn't surprised to find Sam sitting at a table reading. Sam seemed to be fine, like Dean had said. He looked like normal Sam. Castiel only watched him read for a moment, just long enough to decide he was normal, before wandering off again. Even though he had lived in the bunker briefly, there was still a lot of the place he had never seen; after all, it was huge.

An hour later, as Castiel was wandering from room to room, he finally heard Dean waking up. He quickly made his way to him as he was in the kitchen looking for food. It was no surprise when Dean turned away from the fridge with a plate of apple pie, and a glass of milk. Castiel watched intently as Dean sat down at the table, and felt a small spark of hope at such Dean like behavior. He let himself hope that Dean was actually fine, but when Dean pushed the pie away with a sigh after only a few bites that hope died. Castiel couldn't help the sad sigh that escaped his own mouth. He was startled, though, as Dean looked right to the spot he was standing, and for a brief moment Castiel was afraid Dean could see him, but when Dean's eyes failed to focus on him the fear died as well.

Dean could have sworn he sensed a certain angel, but as he looked around the kitchen he saw no sign of him. He looked down at his pie one last time, but it made him feel sick just thinking about eating it, eating anything really, so instead he closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair. He covered his face with his hands and tried to will away all thought, but he couldn't shake the feeling of Cas being nearby, so his mind focused on that instead. A small smile crept onto his face for a moment, but it turned back into a frown as he thought about the angel's sudden departure earlier that day. Dean had gone weeks without seeing Cas, and to have him show up suddenly was nice, but it hurt when he was gone without a goodbye, like he used to do back when they had first met, before they had become friends.

Castiel watched in amazement as different emotions zoomed across Dean's face. He missed a lot of things about being human, but he didn't miss the level of pain human emotions could cause. He frowned as he watched Dean frown, wanting to do something to make it go away, but he had no idea what was even wrong so he didn't know how to fix it.

Both he and Dean jumped slightly as Sam walked into the room. Dean smiled, although Cas could tell it was fake, as he greeted his brother with a formal, for Dean, "Hey, Sam."

Castiel's frown deepened as he watched Sam walk to the fridge, never looking at his brother, only throwing a curt, "Dean", over his shoulder. Castiel saw pure pain flicker across Dean's face before it went blank. As Sam went about making himself a sandwich, Dean threw away the pie on his plate and put his dishes in the sink. He wasted no time in feeling the kitchen, and making his way out to the garage.

For a moment, Castiel stayed back. He had seen as Sam eyed Dean throwing away the pie. Castiel wanted to see the concern cross Sam's face, but when no such concern showed, he felt a stab of anger. If anyone in the world should know to be concerned about Dean throwing away pie, it should be Sam. Castiel was starting to understand what was hurting Dean so much. He had assumed that when they started hunting together again, things had gone back to normal between the two brothers, but now he could see that was far from the truth. He wasn't surprised this time to find Dean pacing and muttering in the garage.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean felt an overwhelming anger fill his sole as he internally yelled at himself again. He had done nothing but screw things up lately. Now he felt completely alone. Sam barely acknowledged his existence outside of a hunting job and Cas couldn't even be bothered to stay for more than a few minutes. He had managed to push away the two people he cared about most in the world.

In truth, Dean was surprised Cas even bothered to check in after what he had done, sending a freshly human Cas out into the world by himself. Hell, Dean hadn't even forgiven himself for doing it, so he didn't see how Cas could.

Feeling the ever looming break down rising to the surface, Dean felt himself drop down to his knees, and holding the sides of his head, he tried to shove it back down. He started rocking back and forth slightly, his eyes screwed shut, as he told himself repeatedly. "You've been to hell and back, you can handle this. You've been to hell and back, you can handle this."

Taking a step forward, Castiel wanted to reach out and comfort Dean. This was a side of the hunter he had never seen before. When he saw a tear fall to the floor he lost the battle to stay hidden, and after leaving the room for a second, he came back, visible again. He saw Dean stiffen at the sound of his wings, but he didn't give Dean time to react further as he quickly wrapped his arms around the hunter, kneeling down beside him. His time as a human had taught him the wonders of comforting someone with physical contact, so he hugged Dean tightly to his chest.

After a second's hesitation, Dean melted into the embrace. They stayed like that for a while before Castiel finally spoke, "Please, Dean, talk to me. Tell me what's wrong." Dean said nothing though, simply shaking his head against Castiel. He felt a sad pang in his chest, and although there was a time he would have been baffled by it, he now knew what it was. He was feeling Dean's pain. All but whispering, he begged, "Please, Dean."

Dean let out a shuddery sigh as he quietly said, "I'm sorry, Cas, but I can't. I just can't." He could hear the pain in Dean's voice, and he had a feeling that Dean did want to tell him, so he decided to let it go for the moment. Instead he focused on comforting the hurting man in his arms.

SUPERNATURAL

After a while, Dean had pulled back from the hug, gotten up without a word, and left the garage. Castiel let him go as he sensed the hunter wanted to be alone. He tracked the sound of Dean throughout the bunker until he heard the sound of Dean's door closing.

Now he was back in stealth mode, watching as Sam went about his day. Castiel followed him around, closely scrutinizing any emotion he could see cross the younger Winchester's face, but the longer he watched, the more he realized there wasn't much to read. Sam didn't seem particularly happy, but he didn't seem unhappy either. If anything, he just seemed apathetic.

Castiel was willing to write it off as Sam being too focused on research, but when Dean stumbled across his path in the library later in the day, obviously drunk, he saw nothing but judgment cross Sam's face as he asked his brother in a bitchy tone, "Isn't it a little early to be drunk, Dean?"

Dean seemed slightly offended, but only said, "It's four o'clock somewhere, Sammy." Sam glared daggers at the use of the nickname, and Cas watched Dean shrink back a little before saying, "I'm going out for a while."

Sam sent one more apathetic look at his brother before letting out a quick, "Whatever, Dean."

Having to hold back his own anger toward Sam, Castiel followed Dean. He was worried he would try to drive in his state, something Sam should have been worried about as well, but as he watched Dean walking away from the bunker he let out a breath. He never would have let Dean get behind the wheel of his car, but it was better if he could observe longer without Dean knowing. Usually the only way Dean ever let down his walls was if he was alone or at least thought he was alone.

As Dean walked toward town, he took in a deep breath. He had very briefly considered driving, but a voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like Castiel had made him think better of it. Now he was grateful as he felt the crisp air clearing his head a little.

Still not being able to shake the feeling that Cas was nearby, Dean looked around for a moment. When he didn't see a tan trench coat, or cerulean eyes, he let out a small, disappointed sigh. He was sure that the only thing that had kept him from the edge earlier was Cas, but he once again had no idea how long it would be before he saw him again. Now with Sam saying they were no longer family, Cas was all he had left, and more than ever, he needed someone, he needed support, even if he couldn't admit it out loud.

Watching Dean look around with a slightly eager expression, Castiel wondered what he was looking for. As Dean's face fell, he realized that whatever it was, Dean had not found it. Now he was walking beside Dean, trying his best to read Dean's face, while respectively staying out of his mind. Dean had fallen into a melancholy, and that was all Castiel could really tell. He could name the emotions he saw, but that was nowhere near to understanding why they were there.

As they approached the small town, Cas watched as Dean seemed to settle a debate with himself. Dean had been trying to figure out why he had felt like Cas was nearby all day, how he happened to show up just when Dean needed him, and why he felt like he was being watched. His mind was foggy from the booze but finally he remembered Castiel's camouflage trick.

Abruptly stopping, and looking around, he somewhat angrily demanded, "Cas, get your feathery ass out here and stop hiding." Cas debated revealing himself for a moment, but Dean added, "You know I hate it when you do this, Cas, and you know why."

Dean thought he would still be angry with Cas when he showed himself, but the second he saw that trench coat, and those brilliant blue eyes, all anger faded; instead he felt relieved.

Cas looked down in shame as he apologized to Dean. "I'm sorry, Dean, but you wouldn't tell me what was wrong." Still not looking up, he continued, "I'll just leave."

Before Cas could move though, Dean was grabbing his wrist, and even though he would never admit to it, all but begged, "No, please don't leave, Cas." A sudden fear had filled Dean at the thought of losing his angel, even if only for a while. As Cas finally looked up at him, he added. "Please stay."

For a moment Cas couldn't breathe, the amount of emotion on Dean's face overwhelming him. He had never seen the hunter so open before. Unable to speak, Cas simply nodded. If Dean didn't want him to go, then he wouldn't and as long as Dean wanted him at his side he would stay there.

After simply staring for a few moments, the two started walk again, shoulder to shoulder, toward the town. For the rest of the walk neither said a thing, both simply enjoying and taking comfort in the others company.


End file.
